Misadventure
by G8Master
Summary: Here we meet Besila, a greedy "warrior" and Saph, the whiny elf from an escort quest gone wrong.
1. Best Day Ever

**(A/N: Have fun reading! I had fun writing it. : )**

"Best Day. Ever."

* * *

It was not a good day.

I don't think I'll ever look back on that day as a good day. I had a terrible hangover, a tattoo that read, "I love Pablo," and no clue where I was.

Once I was sober enough to stand, I tried my hand at walking. I slammed headfirst into a tree. I waited a while longer. A few hours later, I had fallen asleep, woken up, and tried to walk again. This time I was fairing much better.

I turned my bleary eyes towards a huge, towering wall. This wall was ominous, and was now a mystifying, antagonistic force towards me. I had no clue what was on the other side of that wall. For all I knew, the town surrounded by that tall wall could be a town of...

Humans...

Oh Mother.

There, sprinting towards me with a huge grin on its face was a human that was getting steadily closer. He didn't have any armor or weapons to speak of, and didn't look like much of a boxer, so I didn't knock his head off as he got within striking range.

The human male bellowed, "There you are, Besila! Oh, I still cannot thank you _enough_ for taking on such a noble quest! Most of the people passing through did not have your bravery! And yet _you_ swore to uphold justice and honor!"

I winced. Somehow alcohol and his annoying Common accent did not go together. "Uh, hi," I said groggily. "What exactly did I agree to last night? And would you happen to be..." I checked my tail. "...Pablo?"

"What? No. You do not remember my name?"

"Let's just say the only bells that are ringing are the ones in my ears..."

The balding human said, "No matter! I am not good at names myself. Ulysses Tardis, at your service!"

"Great, great... Refresh my memory- Step by step, what exactly do I have to do to help you?"

And Ulysses Tardis explained. Happily. Horrifyingly happily.

I was to go into the town, find the tower, climb the tower, avoid villain "Starblaze", find the strongbox, grab the strongbox, climb down the tower, find the Tardis, give Tardis the strongbox, and collect my reward from that farmer... Ten shiny apples.

I thought, what the heck. I _had_ promised him I'd help, even if at the time I had enough liquor in me to kill a small Thunderhead. Besides, no way the day could get worse... right?

One suggestion: Never... EVER... think that.

Anyways, I groaned as the human left me to wallow in my righteousness. And I sighed, and I pulled out my "Mace of the Monkey." I prefer to call it my "Hurt-You-Bad Stick," and the villagers seemed to be aware of this. As I walked through, the humans retreated into their doorways until I had passed.

After a few seconds, I spotted the tower- a spire that twisted far into the sky. I craned my neck to watch the tiny Alliance banner whipping in the wind. It earned a whistle of awe from me.

My whistle quickly turned into a yelp of shock, because I had been hit over the head with a spear. I turned my attention to a skinny guard, who gripped his little spear and shook. I blinked a few times. "You want to try that again?" I said. The young guard stepped into the bushes and watched me open the door.

Inside the tower, I was horrified to see that the stairs were littered with corpses. I took a deep breath. _I made a promise_. I stepped over the bodies, and made my way up the spiral staircase. I went up... and up... can't... breathe... and up... and up...

To make a long paragraph short, I finally got to the top, where I saw a doorway that led into a circular room. "Why do these people like circles so much?" I muttered, and went inside. I found the lock-box, and opened my backpack to try and fit it in. With much shoving and cursing, I managed to make it fit, and I went back to the stairs.

When I heard thunderous footsteps, I had a feeling I should get out of there. After all, a Horde member standing atop a staircase littered with the cadavers of Alliance members... They weren't likely to give me the benefit of the doubt.

So, I spotted a small opening in the floor, went Feral, pried off the grate with my bear paws, changed back, and jumped. With a soft, "OOF!" I landed in the middle of the circular room beneath it. There was a terrified looking elf staring at me.

"Sorry to bother you!" I said loudly. "How do you get out of here?"

The elf stared at me for a few seconds. "Take me with you!" he blurted, taking a step towards me.

I blinked a few times. "Sorry, kid. I fly solo."

He said vehemently, "Hey, you dropped into _my_ cell, and if you want to get out, you're getting out _with_ me!"

"Look, I don't have time to argue! Where's the door?!"

"Look, you're _taking_ me with you! Eh- Think of it as a quest!"

I started at him. He looked so urgent I could practically see a big exclamation mark bouncing around his head. "FINE!" I bellowed. "I'll take you with me!"

"And you have to make sure I don't die."

"You want me to _escort_ you?!"

"Do you want to know where the door is or not!"

"Alright! I promise I'll make sure you don't die!"

"Cross your heart?"

I took a deep breath. "Cross my heart and hope to die stick a needle in my eye get stomped to death by Kodo feet and buried deep in mossy peat- Now let's GO!"

The annoying elf pointed to an odd-looking wall section. I aimed a ball of Wrath at the wall, and knocked it down. I was running down a secondary staircase like my life depended on it, which- you know- it did.

"Wait up!" the elf wailed, trying to climb down the steep steps with his long robe.

I made a noise that was a cross between a groan, a scream, and a moo. Grabbing the elf under the arms, I heaved him over my shoulder.

"HEY!" gasped the elf. "Put me down!"

"You asked me to save you, I'm saving you!" I yelled.

I accidentally burst through the thin door at the end of the stairway. It was the bottom of the tower. It was filled with Night Elf soldiers.

"Oh, _man_!" I muttered.

"How did you manage to get us caught so quick?!" the elf hissed.

Before I could retort, one of the people stepped forward. "Ah, Saph!" said the richly dressed Night Elf, in a sickly sweet kind of way. "It seems your Horde allies have finally decided to rescue you!"

The elf slung over my shoulder muttered something incoherently.

"What was that?" asked the elf- the one who was getting more evil the longer I stared at him. "If it was, 'Blast, my plan is foiled and I have just given myself reason to be executed,' then you'd be correct."

I blinked in total astonishment, not really absorbing the situation. I was surrounded by hostile Alliance. I had already been flagged by that skinny guard. I was going to die very soon. The day had found a way to get worse. Huh.

The evil elf laughed. "Guards, take them _both_ upstairs when you feel like it. I suppose it's best for Saph to have some company before he... expires..." He left casually.

After a few seconds, I reached a decision. I leaped up, and when both my hooves hit the floor, the resulting War Stomp stunned most of the guards.

I sprinted out of there with an elf on my back and a dozen warriors on my heels. I threw down some Very Sticky Glue an old troll once gave me, and prayed it wasn't just Mildly Cohesive Paste. Somehow, I managed to get ahead of them- just enough to loose them! _And I lost them_! Woo!

I put down the elf.

"Who are you?" the elf asked blankly.

"Besila," I grunted, peering around a corner.

"I'm Saph."

"Nice to meet you, but I'm not sure if this is the time for quaint introductions."

"Right..."

I saw that the coast was clear. "C'mon!" Dragging the elf-boy "Saph" behind me, I got to the huge wall, and ran to the other side.

"I'm free..." Saph murmured. "I can't _believe_ I'm free."

"Good instincts, Rexxar, because we're _not_ free," I said, and watched bitterly as Ulysses Tardis ran up.

"Hello Besila! Did you find the-"

"Yeah yeah! Here's your stupid strongbox."

Tardis gasped and hugged the box I gave him. "Thank you so much! I am eternally in your debt! Oh, let me get your reward."

Saph let out a yell and hid behind me. I turned around. Getting closer were the soldiers who had managed to find me. Just as I expected, we were very far from being free.

I turned tail and tried to run, but I smacked into Tardis and his shiny red apples. I noticed Saph was just standing there, and it looked like he was trying and failing to hearthstone out of there.

"You're never gonna get out of here like that!" I snapped. I grabbed his arm and tried to guide his motions, "Here, you gotta-"

"No- What are you doing?! Stop-"

"Stop squirming or-"

"LET GO NOW!"

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO-"

There was a flash of light.

"Do...?"


	2. Lost

"Lost, Physically and Mentally."

* * *

"We're lost," Saph whispered. "We're lost in the middle of the ocean."

"We're not in the ocean!" I cried, kicking my hoofs slowly to stay afloat. "For the Earth Mother's sake, we can see land!"

"Well we're still lost," he snapped. "Because you meddled with my spell, we could be anywhere in Azeroth!"

I groaned. "Perfect." I took of my backpack and rummaged around in it. I had already gotten everything in there soaked; might as well let the rest of the sea in.

Suddenly, it occurred to me that I could be surrounded by level 100 Naga or something. I quickly looked around, and spotted a giant turtle that looked around level 40. "Ooooh, crud." I muttered, rifling through my stuff faster.

"What are you looking for?" Saph sighed.

"My map," I answered. "Aha!" I pulled out a soaking parchment. I opened it carefully, and was relieved to find the ink hadn't smudged. I looked for a little blue dot on it and found it floating around Kalimdor. "Good news," I said. "We're in Kalimdor."

Saph's eyes widened. "K- Kalimdor?" he repeated.

I nodded, and ignored his sputterings. I touched the map where Kalimdor was, and the paper shimmered to reveal a more detailed map of the continent, this time showing the different countries. "Hey!" I cried, grinning. "We're in luck! That spell of yours dropped us off the coast of Dustwallow Marsh!"

"And that would be where?!" he asked, voice getting shriller.

"Oh, it's not a long swim from here to the Barrens."

"AAAAH!" He had stopped paddling and just kept his hands on his head.

"What's wrong?!" I yelped, pulling him above water. Then it occurred to me, I never figured out what level he was. "Oh crud. What level are you?"

"Ten!" Saph shrilled. "I'm level ten and I'm floating in a place called Dustwallow Marsh where our only safe haven is THE BARRENS!"

I blinked in horror. "Wow. You're going to die out here!" In retrospect, perhaps that wasn't the best thing to say to a hysterical elf.

"AAAAH!" He plunged under again.

I groaned and pulled him up again. "Wait, wait, there may be some hope yet. If you're in the Alliance, I know where a big ol' city full of humans are, and it's very close. So what are you? Night Elf or Blood Elf?"

Saph's long ears drooped. "Both."

I blinked in more horror. "What?"

"My father was a Blood Elf and my mother was a Night Elf."

"Excuse me for a moment..." I was trying to comprehend the situation. "A Night Elf and a Blood Elf..." I paused. "Ewww!"

"Oh come on!" Saph snapped. "The Blood and Night Elves used to be the same species!"

"So did the elves and the trolls, but you don't see them..." The only reason I didn't vomit on the spot, was because my stomach contents might attract some of the sea monsters that were drifting around.

"Grow up..." he muttered. "So because I'm half traitor to both sides, I can't exactly go _anywhere_. That's why Starblaze had me prisoner in the first place!"

I frowned. "You can be flagged by either side? That'll be a little bit of a problem..." Then, I thought of something. "Hey, Ratchet is a city of goblins, so as long as you have money and a pulse- well, at least money- the goblins won't mind you at all!"

"Where's this Ratchet?" Saph asked.

"A heck of a long ways away," I answered. I paused. "Hang on to me." I stuffed the map into one of my smaller sacks, and put my backpack on again.

"What for?" he said suspiciously.

"Just do it, unless you want to be swimming all the way to Ratchet in level forty waters."

He quickly latched on.

"Hey hey! Watch the hands! Now, hold on to my tusks."

"I didn't know Tauren had tusks!" he cried.

"Tauren don't. Ferals do." Saph shrieked as a rush of swirling blue light burst out of me. It gives you a pleasant tingling sensation, truthfully. But it gives you a nauseating feeling when you realize you've got white-green skin, little yellow eyes, huge ears, saber-tooth fangs, and enough blubber to break the bathroom scale.

"OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY-"

"Shut up," I rumbled in my sea lion voice.

Saph took deep breaths and said slowly, "Is that you?"

"You catch on quick."

"You're a druid?!"

"And you're a regular Albert Fizsprocket."

Saph said, "But I thought only Night Elves could be druids! The demonic powers of the Horde keeps them from tapping into the powers of nature."

"You haven't met many Horde people, have you? Now hang on, you nitwit!" I felt him wrap his hands shakily around my tusks, and I took off like a shot.


	3. Almost, But Not Quite

"Almost There!"

* * *

In this mad rush along the coast, I had to stop several times to heal both Saph and myself. Those Murlocs had a nasty habit of popping up out of nowhere. Finally, we crossed the border into the Barrens. And at that moment, Saph fell off of me. He thrashed wildly in the water, like his arms were broken.

I yelped, "Saph!" and pushed him to shore as quickly as possible.

On dry land, he sputtered and gagged for air, and he said at last, "My arms are tired."

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "Sure. What else can go wrong?"

A Makrura pincered my leg.

"AAAH!" I yelled. "Stay there!" I burst suddenly at Saph, and cast a Moonfire that shot a brilliant purple beam high into the sky and put the smack down on that Makrura. I cast Mark of the Wild and Thorns on myself, and did a few Wraths on the giant crustacean before jamming my staff into its face. With another Moonfire, that lobster was down seconds later. I sat down and refreshed myself with some milk. The waves cast little ripples over my hooves.

Saph blinked a few times very slowly. "Wow. That was really cool. I thought your style was 'blunder into a monster and run away screaming' after those incidents with the turtles."

"Hey, those were scary turtles!" I protested. Then, I saw something... Something totally unbelievable. "Oh my..."

"What?!" Saph yelped suddenly, whipping around. When he turned back, he saw I was pulling a fishing pole out of my bow holster.

I stood by the edge of the water and cast near a frenzied school of Oily Blackmouths. I swore and reeled it in. I cast again, this time a little closer. I swore. Reeled in. Cast. Swore. Reeled.

Saph caught up to me, and panted angrily, "You- stopped- to _fish_?! NOW of all times?!"

"Hey!" I said, turning to face the snot-nosed little elf. "I risked my neck saving you! I'd at _least_ like to get something out of it. Now stand up on that hill over there so you don't become Makrura bait, and run down to me if anything eats you."

Saph muttered what I assume to be some very nasty insults in elfish, but sat on the top of a nearby hill.

I fished.

"Ooh! Oooh!" I cried. "I think I got- Boy, this one's _big_!" I reeled wildly, and onto the shore flopped-

A box.

"Can we go now?" Saph called dully.

"Grrrrr..." I picked it up, and felt a little better when I saw it was a chest. I smiled, and tried to shove it in my backpack even though it was obvious it wouldn't fit. "Hmmm..."

I sat down, and Saph groaned as I took this time to reorganize my pack. "I don't need this feather... This mountain lion pelt is from a quest back in Camp Narache. I'll keep it anyways. Oooh, this scale looks valuable..." My elfish companion muttered more elfish death threats.

Finally, I had enough room for the chest. "Yay!" I got up, and blundered straight into a pirate. "AAAH!" A few frantic clubs to the head later, the pirate was unconscious on the ground.

"By the way, this place is surrounded by pirates!" Saph stumbled down the hill, and asked blankly, "Is this how you win _all_ fights?"

"No, that's usually how I lose all fights." I bent down and started peeling off the pirate's clothes.

"What are you doing?!" he cried, covering his eyes.

I responded hotly, "I'm looting! What does it look like?"

"Yes, but- but-"

"You know, Saph, you're really cramping my style! 'Oooh, don't swim so fast. Oooh, don't fish over there. Oooh, don't pick those herbs. Oooh, don't take his clothes off.' You're just like my mother!"

He turned around calmly and began having a temper tantrum. I bent down and resumed stripping the pirate, stuffing all items into my pack. "Alright, let's go," I sighed after I had decided to leave the man his skivvies and his mustache.

"Finally," Saph muttered. We started the walk to Ratchet, and before long we hit the main pirate camp. After about half an hour of me picking off the sea-dogs one by one and looting all of them (I didn't have any room left in my knapsack so I told Saph to hold everything), me and the elf boy had managed to clear the last stretch. It was an easy trek to the town from there.

Right before we got over the fence into Ratchet, Saph got extremely nervous. I had, of course, forgotten completely that if anyone who wasn't a goblin saw him- Horde or Alliance- he might get killed.

I had an idea. I snickered, and grabbed a sweaty pirate shirt from the pile Saph was bearing. It was soon a sweaty turban that was terribly wrapped, and that was droopy enough to obscure his more Night Elf features. "You can thank me later!" I said happily. I stepped over the fence, soon followed by Saph.

I lead him to the inn, where a goblin was talking to a customer.

"...smoking or non-smoking?" the goblin asked with a grin. The warlock was not amused, because his imp was setting fire to his cloak.

"Excuse me!" I yelled loudly. Now that I had the goblin's attention, I wrapped my arms around Saph's shoulders and said, "Me and my hubby need a room."

Saph fought me off while screaming, "I AM NOT YOUR HUSBAND YOU DEMENTED COW!"

"Awww, with sweet talk like that, it's no wonder I married you!"

He dropped the pile of pirate clothes and plugged his ears.

While Saph was stomping around yelling, "LA LA LA LA LA!" the goblin asked, "You have enough to cover both of you?"

"Yeah, yeah, hold on..." I dug around in my bag, swore when I heard a bottle crack,

and thrust a handful of copper coins towards the innkeeper.

"Keep it real!" he said with a goblin grin.

I turned to Saph, who had calmed down by this time. "Alright, goodnight little elf-dude. I'll be at the armor merchant if you need-"

"Wait!" Saph cried.

I blinked a few times. "I'm waiting," I said.

Saph tugged down his turban so I couldn't read his face at all. "Uh, could you stay here a while? I... I've never been alone, and I don't exactly feel like starting right now."

I kept on blinking. "Sure. I guess I can trade our vast treasures with the innkeeper."

"Thanks... Besila."

As Saph stumbled off to find a cot, I came up to the eager goblin. "You wanna trade?" I drawled.

"Talk to me!" said the goblin.

But I didn't talk to him. I grabbed the pirate clothes and started piling them into the bewildered goblin's arms. "One copper, two copper, three copper, four copper- Stop me if you disagree- Five copper, six copper, seven copper..." What made me smile was that the goblin was looking increasingly uncomfortable, but he was too greedy to tell me to stop!

At last, I had emptied my pile and my pack of anything I wasn't particularly attached to. All I was holding was my azure feather. The goblin was teetering precariously under the weight of the junk-pile.

I blinked, said, "Six silver, thirty-six copper..." and placed it on top of the pile. The goblin topped over, totally buried.

After, I decided to check on Saph. He was sleeping soundly, I suppose. I couldn't exactly _tell_ the way he had the blanket hoisted above his pointy ears, but he looked peaceful enough... I smiled.

I yelped suddenly, and started blowing furiously on my flaming tail, _while_ trying to stomp the screeching imp back to the Twisting Nether. The warlock yelped and quickly poured a flask of rum on my tail, which only fueled the fire.

"AAAAH! AH! AH!"

"Shut up!" The alert Saph made a gesture, and the fire on my tail went out.

I examined my poor tail as he covered his head again. I turned sourly to the embarrassed warlock and his unruly imp. "I see you chose 'smoking'..."

* * *

**(A/N: This is the end, for now at least. I've got a vague idea of what they do after this, but I don't know how to get them there, so this is good enough. I hope you liked it! :)**


End file.
